Welcome back, old friends who read my Blog, https://leanaconway.blog/

To new readers who have found their way to this Blog, I hope you were brought here by serendipity to bring a smile to your face, maybe a little encouragement, or at very least a laugh at me. Unlike my last Blog, which was a list of to-dos for my aging self, plus ramblings on events in my life, this is a collection of stories.

Off we go!

People have always told me their stories and secrets. I guess they know instinctually that I try not to judge, try being the operative word, and I am a vault for secrets. I will not blab a secret; my husband has tried so hard to squeeze things out of me. This face of mine, which seems to invite confidences, has led me to meet an assortment of interesting people from all walks of life who have told me interesting things. It led me to a job working for a local magazine, interviewing people.

Well, the magazine closed, and as a full-time caregiver to my husband, who has Multiple Sclerosis and quadriplegia, our world is shrinking. I am not out and about as much anymore. I cannot share these wonderful stories in person, so I am using this platform to send out stories of kindness and courage into the world like little Hershey Kisses, a little sweet treat, for weary hearts.

Plus, this Blog is also something I just must do,

BECAUSE.

ANYWAY, CHICKENS

Are you with me? Are you ready to,

MEET MY FRIENDS?

Can you come up from your self-protective bunkers and engage with the world around you,

I just read your mind: “Why would I do that? Everyone is a jerk these days.” You don’t want to do it. I agree that people can be exhausting, and some are crabby and annoying.

We are all fighting battles in several arenas. I am so worn out by the indifference to handicapped people just trying to live in the world, I would love to pull out my hair, scream, and decide Dennis and I aren’t going to leave the house anymore. Grubhub, Instacart, Zoom Doctors, our Sleep Number beds, we would be completely snug and smug.

Is that what you want your legacy to be? “The world got tough, so I retreated into bitterness.”

I am not going to, I am going to live my life to the fullest, write my stories, and keep trying.

My first story is A Silver Fox Bromance; it is a lovely example of a man who knows how to care and connect.

For those of you not in the know about current literary genres, Silver Fox Bromances (older gentlemen with silver hair, or none, striking up meaningful friendships with other men later in life) is a literary category flying off the shelves. That may not be entirely true, but it should be, will be!

I will first introduce you to the elder statesman of our duo, The Cigar Comandant, aka Dr. Jeffrey Dobson. Although he has a Ph.D. and numerous other degrees, he goes by Jeff, and at 81, he continues to live a fascinating, adventurous life full of love.

At the time, I was writing for a local magazine, Enjoy Cherokee. They asked me to write a profile on this famous Reinhardt University alumnus and board member, and his fascinating trip.

On the day of our interview, Jeff had me in his spell, regaling me with stories of his travels: his kidnapping in Bangkok and paying for his ransom with his Amex card (purchase -protection applied, and he received a full refund), his business, and the book he wrote with his twin, Jerry. It is hard to believe Jeff came from very humble beginnings on a simple country farm in Canton, Georgia.

Jeff also had me in stitches laughing about his group of friends called “A League of Ordinary Men”; if he was an example, they were anything but ordinary! These extremely well-educated men travelled together all over the world, riding horses, skiing, backpacking, and generally living life to the fullest.

Jeff is a rare combination of humility, intelligence, and a wealth of real-life experiences. Jeff has traveled to 57 countries and around the world four times. He is a geologist and has been involved in numerous businesses. I could easily write a book about him, but this story is about one specific detail, so I have provided a link to the article I wrote that fills in his life story with more detail. And ladies, he is married, so no fan mail.

One of Jeff’s goals in life was to visit all seven continents. He was able to mix business with pleasure and check off Antarctica, the continent without a country, in 2023. Jeff’s adventure led to my serendipitous meeting with him

https://issuu.com/enjoycherokeemagazine/docs/final-emi_nov-dec-issue_pages_1-52_rw_isuu

While we chatted during his interview. Jeff was leisurely nursing a cigar. I briefly mentioned that my husband Dennis used to enjoy smoking cigars, but due to his advanced Multiple Sclerosis, he was no longer able to hold one. I had tried holding one for him, but that had been disastrous. Dennis had not enjoyed hot ash in his crotch and burnt eyebrows due to my inability to talk and babysit a cigar at the same time. It has been said that I have “Italian hands” when I talk, and I get so emotionally involved in conversations that I completely forget what I am doing. That was all that was said on the matter.

While working for Enjoy Cherokee, I interviewed about 50 people overall. With Jeff, it was more of a conversation, and he took in a lot of information about me and my life. He was paying attention to me, caring and connecting with me as a human being, even when it was supposed to be all about him. What a lovely man.

I have been married to Dennis for twenty-two years, and in many ways, the beginning of Charles Dickens’ novel, A Tale of Two Cities, describes it best.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.”

When Dennis and I got married, he could still walk a little. We thought maybe our love could stop the relentless onslaught of Multiple Sclerosis; it didn’t, but it made it easier to bear. We had complicated first families and issues with our children and ex-spouses. We hoped they would blend and celebrate our love; they did mostly.

Everything was beautiful, but nothing was simple.

Dennis is the prototype of the Southern man; he was born in Rome, Georgia, and, growing up, he loved Jesus, hunting, fishing, football, his truck, and his mama, daddy, and baby sister. He played football in College, married a pretty girl, had two cute little girls, and lived out his dream of owning a sporting goods store. Dennis had written the script and was living out the play he wrote, entitled “My Perfect Southern Life.”

Then, in 1990, he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The first five years were ok, then he started to fall apart, and his life unraveled. One of Dennis’s favorite quotes from Sir Andrew Barton about a captain in a Sea battle sums up how Dennis has handled his difficult journey since 1989.

Our story is complicated, and again, this is not the place for it. I have included a link to a post I wrote about our love story in my last blog series,

https://leanaconway.blog/

This is the specific link

https://leanaconway.blog/category/task-9-publish-mine-and-dennis-love-story

I admire my husband, Dennis, more than anyone I know for his strength, courage, and commitment to always finding a way to be useful in this world.

His journey has not been an easy one, and not just because of his disease. I have watched helplessly as he has lost so many abilities and personal battles.

Back To Current Times

Apparently, the wheels in Jeff’s head had been turning since we spoke, and I was surprised when he called to tell me he was going to build an apparatus so Dennis could smoke a cigar independently again. I thought how incredibly thoughtful, and boy, is he going to be disappointed.

People with the best of intentions try to do things for Dennis. Usually, it doesn’t work out well. Each disability is unique; things you think would work often don’t. Jeff was determined, though, and he assembled a team using his contacts at Rheinhardt University. The President, Mark Roberts, and staff members, Greg Monsour and Jeff Dale, designed and welded a personalised apparatus to fit Dennis’ chair. I was not looking forward to seeing their faces when it didn’t work.

Jeff was using this apparatus in conjunction with an invention of his own, which he had already designed, that gave birth to his moniker, The Cigar Commandant. On Jeff’s adventures with his oh so “ordinary “ friends, cigar smoking is always part of their gatherings. It would seem holding a cigar in hot tubs or while wearing gloves is not easy. Plus, apparently, the last inch of a cigar is the last “golden inch” and something not to be missed. Jeff designed the Cigar Commandant for this purpose.

After one fitting at Rheinhardt, with the two components together, miraculously, it worked like a charm!

Time to put Dennis’s Cigar Buddy, that is what we are calling his apparatus, to the test. We went to Maxwell’s, a local Cigar Bar, in Downtown Woodstock, Georgia. Dennis decided to ask his friend Tim Jackson along. Dennis hired Tim when he was 17 years old to work at his Sporting goods store, many, many moons ago. Tim has faithfully kept up with Dennis and has always been there for both of us whenever needed. Tim is working on becoming a Silver Fox, with about half of his hair silver.

Maxwell’s is an old-school cigar shop. The ambiance is dark and masculine; many regulars sip amber liquids from their lockers.

There aren’t a lot of showy metrosexuals or hipsters; there is something way better: an unpretentious gang of regulars. And for an extra flourish, a small group of unsung heroes, older guys who hang out and complain about their difficult prostates and the horrors of the Vietnam War.

From now on, Dennis doesn’t have to bring his old ball and chain to go smoking cigars with the guys. I mean, who wants to take their wife to talk about their prostate?

It feels like every year, Dennis loses another physical capability and adds another Doctor. Jeff gave my husband back one thing, and that feels really big to us. I feel Jeff should be officially sainted, the Patron Saint of Handicap Cigar Smokers. I will be looking into where one applies to nominate a person for sainthood and filling in the required paperwork posthaste.

Practicing what I Preach.

This past Christmas, I went home to the winter wonderland that is my hometown, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I was able to see my sister, brother, and my parents, and fill my little Canadian heart with a real white Christmas.

On the way back, I was waiting at the Airport for my delayed flight home. I now have my Instagram and Facebook set to 15 minutes a day; I do cheat a lot, but I am trying. I was out of minutes, and my Kindle was dead, so I was looking around. I noticed a woman in a wheelchair sitting with a little cutie pie on her lap who looked about 15 months old. I have multiple grandsons, so I am pretty good at guessing the ages of small chaos creators. He was squirming and trying to get down, and there was nothing she could do. Nobody noticed, nor would I have if I were on my phone.

I went over and asked if I could take her son for a walk. She looked at me like I was offering her a free car. She told me she was pregnant and had herniated a disc in her back at her sister’s house in Winnipeg; she was just trying to get home to her husband. So, I took her little boy, and we walked around for three-quarters of an hour, got him some milk, and got the wiggly beans out of him. When we got back, he snuggled in on me and had a lovely nap. Way better than scrolling on my phone.

Funny thing is, everywhere we went, people told me he looked just like me.

I will be back soon, my friends, with another story of kindness & courage.

Look up; you might miss someone fabulous. So, try and

Stay,

Next story up,

Natalyia, my Ukrainian friend who fled Ukraine for safety and is living in my hometown. This was supposed to be my first story in this Blog series, but things in Ukraine are getting worse, and I need time to catch up.

Sending you love until next time,

Leana

If you would like to support my writing and buy me a cup of coffee, I am working on a children’s book, so this is a Kickstarter fundraiser to get it off the ground. If you would like to support me with prayers and well-wishes, that is equally appreciated!

❤️Leana